I am getting to a strange place in life. At first, I wanted to capture my feelings and perceptions under the "aging gracefully" tab. But now realize it's not about age, but about desires.
Life has fallen into a comfortable mode. Teaching is good and related academic service work and scholarly publishing are rewarding. But as key components of my life become more valued, others seem to drift back on the priority scale. For me - and for the first time in over 20 years - it's training and fitness.
That's where pseudo fitness comes in. It's a place where I do foo-foo workouts and jog intermittently, sometimes throwing in an easy mountain bike ride. And when days are busy (I teach out of town on Tuesdays) I no longer exercise at all. That would have been totally unacceptable over the past two decades, but it seems realistic now.
I still enjoy the races. This coming Saturday I'll be doing an 8-hour adventure run in Triangle, Virginia. But I'm not doing enough homework to get a good grade. I don't have the base any longer, so the races are less than productive. I know that one gets out what one puts in, so there are few expectations.
The semester is almost over and my schedule will become more flexible, so the 10 milers in the mornings may resume. This has become a different place in life. I don't know if I will accept it long term, but being pseudo fit brought about a point of introspection. I no longer seem to be running from myself, instead learning to rest in something different than what existed before.
Maybe it's not graceful, but it is change. And change can sometimes be good.